Nate Ryder: Why Are We Obsessing Over Space Junk Again?
Oh great, another space rock. Just what we needed. Seriously, are we that bored that a comet zipping past Mars is front-page news? Give me a break.
So, this "ancient comet from another star system" – dubbed 3I/ATLAS, because apparently "Steve" was already taken – is causing astrophysicists to "scramble." Scramble? Like they’re trying to find their car keys after a night at the bar? Let's be real, they're probably just scrambling for grant money. NASA needs to justify its existence somehow, right? Can't just keep launching overpriced tin cans into outer space without some kind of "discovery" to show for it.
And what's with the breathless descriptions? "Breakneck speed of 310,000km/h?" Okay, sure, that's fast. But everything in space is fast. It's kind of the point. It's not like this thing is going to slow down for a photo op.
The Usual Suspects
The article mentions a whole fleet of spacecraft and rovers are tracking this thing. Perseverance, Curiosity, Europa Clipper, Lucy, Psyche… Sounds like a sci-fi movie cast list. All these fancy gadgets, all this money, just to watch a ball of ice and dust fly by. Is it just me, or is that a colossal waste of resources? I mean, couldn't we use that money to, say, fix our crumbling infrastructure here on Earth? Or maybe feed some hungry people? Nah, let's look at space marine or outer space instead. That's way more important.
The Hubble Space Telescope took some pictures, naturally. Because if there's one thing Hubble loves, it's taking pictures of blurry space objects. They say it's a "teardrop-shaped cocoon of dust." A teardrop? Is space getting sentimental on us now? Or is it just more PR spin to make us care about something that's millions of miles away and has zero impact on our lives?
And the size...it could be 5.6 km across, or maybe as small as 440 meters. So, they have no freakin' clue. Got it.
What's the Point?
They say the comet is full of carbon dioxide, which means it formed "somewhere very cold." Well, duh. Space is cold. That's kind of its thing. Are we supposed to be impressed by this groundbreaking revelation? Seriously, what is the actual point of all this research? Why are scientists rushing to study a comet from deep space? Are they hoping to find aliens riding the comet? Discover the secret to immortality hidden in the ice? Or are they just trying to justify their jobs and keep the funding flowing?
Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe this is all fascinating and important and I'm just too cynical to appreciate the wonders of science. Nah. I'm pretty sure it's just space junk.
